Two 19ths have passed since my mom passed away. I made it through the 19th of September with a few tears. I didn’t even realize it was the 19th of October until late in the day. That’s progress. She’s been gone two months.
However, Thursday is the 23rd. I know, not the 19th. But on October 23rd, Mom would have been 77 years old. It’s not going to be an easy day. My dad is already anticipating it- I’m looking forward to being done with it.
The entire year after Mom’s passing is going to be full of firsts. Her first birthday without her. No buying her cards, no hand made gifts. First Thanksgiving without her, making her stuffing without calling her while I’m making it to discuss the process. First Christmas without her, no more phone calls asking how her progress on her Angel tree is coming. No more contest to see who sees the first robin in the Spring. No one to send me a St. Patrick’s day card. No malted milk cake on my birthday. The first Mother’s Day without my mother. So many firsts.
Things had been rough for Mom in the last couple of years. She hadn’t done an Angel tree for a couple years. Since we moved to Wisconsin I haven’t had a malted milk cake. Last year I made an early Thanksgiving dinner for Mom and Dad–and froze extra meals that would be easier for her to heat later. I find myself, though, mourning the mom that was vibrant, the one I grew up with. I mourn the woman who decorated her Christmas trees impeccably. I mourn the woman who made the best stuffing ever. I mourn the woman who would count her birthday and Mother’s Day cards.
I’m getting tired of mourning.
I’ll get through it, though, just like I’ve gotten through the past two months since she passed. All the firsts will pass, and I will survive. And instead of doing things with her, I’ll be doing things to honor her. Her stuffing recipe will be on the table on Thanksgiving. A selection of her Angels will be on my tree.
And I’ll probably make my own malted milk cake. And smile while I remember her.
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