In the past year and a half or so I’ve learned a lot about grief.
Losing both my parents with in just over a year will do that to you.
Grief, as I’ve learned, is……excuse my language but this is all I can think of to put it….a sneaky little bastard.
When someone you love dies, you expect to feel sad. You know that you’ll feel sad when you see their picture. You know you’ll miss them on holidays and birthdays. You know darn right the anniversary of their passing will make you cry.
But what you don’t expect is the times the grief sneaks up on you. When you’re in Target and see the Mother’s Day cards out of the corner of your eye. When Grumpy Old Men comes on TV. When you see a mother and daughter shopping together.
Or when you buy a rump roast.
Last Saturday Dan and I went to the local butcher shop to spend a gift card we had gotten for Christmas. We picked out some steaks, and then I wanted to get a nice beef roast, which is something we can’t normally afford. I chose the rump roast, my favorite roast.
I started crying on the way home when I remembered that was my mom’s favorite roast, which is why it’s my favorite. Her crowning glory of cooking was her roast beef. She was known for her roast beef. And she heralded the rump roast as the only cut worthy of roast beef.
In that moment on the way home, I wanted my mom back. I wanted to smell her roast cooking in the oven. I wanted to sit down and hear my daddy say, “This is so good we should have it for Thanksgiving.”
I know I’ll have more of these moments. I know I’ll have grief. But I just wish it wouldn’t be so sneaky.